My mom for Vice President

I’m pretty sure my mom is ready to be the next Vice President. She’s more than qualified.

First off, she’s tough. Hockey mom tough. She doesn’t back down from a fight. At least not a verbal fight, staged on a podium, with no opponent present. And she sure as hell doesn’t take crap from that moose-poop son of yours, defenseman in the #9 jersey. THAT’S A CROSS CHECK, REF, AND YOU KNOW IT.

Pure tenacity. That’s Mom.

She’s also got significant leadership experience. Oldest of five (5) siblings, my Mom went on to lead my sister’s Girl Scout troop, presiding over literally dozens of young women. She didn’t just *talk* about leading that troop; she led by action. “How are we going to pay for that trip to the candle factory?” they’d ask. Mom had the answer: “Sell more cookies. Sell more of those goddam cookies.”

A close 2^nd Place in the Miss Lawrence High School beauty pageant, my mom knows what it’s like to fight for something she believes in. She also knows how to twirl a baton. Watch out, Vlad Putin.

Sure, Mom’s light on foreign policy experience, but I got her a subscription to Foreign Affairs, so I think that’s covered. What she really needs to focus on is coming up with some prepared snarky remarks for the vice presidential debates. “What’s the difference between a pit bull and a community organizer? A pit bull has actual responsibilities! And I wear lipstick, too!”

Where does Mom stand on the issues?

• Mom never supported the Bridge to Nowhere.
• Offshore drilling is fine, as long as you keep your room clean.
• Guns are great. Just don’t point them at people whose lives you value.
• Iraq: What’s the point of building all these bombs if we aren’t going to use them to wipe out people who belong to a religious group we don’t like?
• Skirt suits? Don’t mind if I do.

Have you met my mom’s family? All of us? No? We will be sure to set aside time Mom’s next speech for you to get to know us better. Uncle Leo is a real hoot.

The most important thing is that Mom is just a regular person like you and me. No special powers. No fancy “education” or “relevant background experiences” to muddle the waters. Just a fine, upstanding woman who makes a mean moose stew.

Mom for VP!

-Save the World for International Development Hippie Dude